Do You Love Yourself?

Do you love yourself? Deeply, completely, unconditionally love yourself?

4 months into the quarantine period, I can now say that I do. I finally do. Maybe for the first time in 32 years.

When I think of self-love, I think of massages, geek out sessions, yummy food, wine nights, and the like. So in my head, I knew I got these covered in my schedule. Surely, this means that a lot of love goes around, right?

Then it just hit me last night that these activities were checklist items for me to tick in order to say that I, in fact, give love to myself. But if we were to talk about deeply, completely, unconditionally loving myself… then the answer was no. Coz I was very conditional with that love.

I needed to be loved a certain way, earn a certain amount, be a certain weight, receive a certain rating, excel on certain things in order for me to love myself. I can fool myself into saying those didn’t matter but I knew that they did, and that I often feel that I am falling short of my own metrics.

The 4 months of quarantine took me out of those metrics. All of a sudden, they were non-essential to my day-to-day. I had to sit with myself on the good days, the bad days and the days when I felt nothing. I went through the whole cycle of fear and surrender, of feeling stuck, slowly getting myself back on track, and appreciating all milestones — the smallest, the biggest and everything in between.

So yes, to all things, there is a silver lining. And what a beautiful silver lining it has been.

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