Letting Go in 2021

The overarching theme of my 2021 can be summed up into 2 words, LETTING GO.

So many times I’ve felt that I’ve let go of so much that I wonder what’s left. And the more I peel off layers, the emptier…and fuller I felt. I’m not quite sure how I can explain this, but let me give that a shot here.

I started last year feeling dazed and quite confused. At the time, I was absorbing as much wisdom as I could from Eckhart Tolle, Abraham Hicks, Joe Dispenza, Aaron Abke, to name a few. I was meditating in silence several times a day and constantly talking to people who could enlighten me on what was happening to me.

Some called it an awakening, some called it an ascension. To me, it felt like everything I knew about the world and myself was shattering. My concept of who I was, which I worked very hard on curating all these years, started losing its meaning. The dreams I’ve had for myself did not make sense anymore.

I started asking myself why I was doing what I do. Was it really in service to humanity, or is it to feed my ego with a sense of purpose? Why did I want to reach a bigger audience? Why did I want to earn more money? Why did I want to travel the world? Why did I constantly need to be smarter, wiser and eloquent? Why did I work so hard to fit in?

The more I asked these questions, the more I realized that I’ve been working so hard to appease my ego. With the ego mostly out of the way, my world started becoming more silent.

Around March last year, I let go of roughly 80% of my material belongings. People would keep telling me how it must have been hard to give up years of hard work and investments. The thing that shocked people the most was when I sold all my books. I think having those tumultuous 3 months of “ego work” prepared me for that moment of letting go.

It was a little sad seeing all my belongings being stuffed in boxes — so many things I held on to just because they were expensive or they made me feel important or they were given by someone or they were simply forgotten and stored.

Let me tell you, having all that weight lifted off was internally shocking — like there was a sudden empty space inside me that I couldn’t shake off. It took a while for me to get a grasp on it, and then one day, I started feeling sudden bursts of hope and excitement.

It felt like I was given the permission to detach from anything that no longer made sense to me. That feeling that I don’t have to hold onto anything (or anyone — that’s probably for another writing session), that nothing defines or labels me, that I didn’t need to show people (and myself) anything anymore…that just felt liberating.

Frankly, it’s still an ongoing journey. I think the detaching part, I’m far along in. For 2022, maybe the theme is rebuilding. We’ll see.

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